huh.

For once.
I don't know what to say.

No thoughts are pressing to come out.

Did the gerbil that runs inside of my head go on vacation?

Without leaving any notice or temporary replacement?

Or maybe she has been running overtime, and just wanted to rest up those little legs.

I should send her a Christmas bonus this year.

Swifty Bodyguards

I have blogged about the swifty house centipedes in my house before. I have finally come to terms with them. I rarely see them anymore. I don't bother to catch them to take them outside. They can live in my house, eat my bugs, eat my spiders. It is actually a very nice rental agreement. I have even come to the place where I think they are cute.

So the other day I am sitting in my room doing something important I am sure. And I see this spider crawl along my wall. Spiders have been few and rare lately so I checked it out. Not too big. Not poisonous. So I left it to it's meaderings along the wall. Well, I happened to glance to the opposite wall and saw two Swifties just hanging out. They are never out in the day time. But there they were. I didn't think too much of it.

Well last night I was reading on my floor and suddenly saw a spider go scurrying past me. And there was a swifty hanging out by the baseboard. It clicked. They EAT spiders. They must be on the hunt or something. :D I really like the idea of having little Swifties chasing those spiders around. Or I really like the idea of little spiders having to scurry away from my big Swifty bodyguards.

Soft and Touchable

This would be me.
Showing off my new fuzzy lounge-around-the-house pants.
They are fuzzy.
They are green.
And they have the cutest back pockets.
Making my bum look ravishingly, well...cute. :)

(And yes, there I am posing as modely as I can muster.)

They are soft.
They are touchable.
My legs aren't, but at least my pants are!
Here is a closer look.

My New Citrine

This is my new Citrine rock.
Yeah, I'm a stoner...
(snicker, snicker)

It is slightly blurry,
but look at all of those facets.
That gorgeous color.

This is its behind.
Kind of wild.

And a side view.
It is not quite that dark,
but the lighting sucked.
It has the color of dark Amber.

I thought maybe as a necklace?

If you are interested, here is some information about
the energetic qualities of Citrine.

It reminds me of some jewel from the Sahara.
Maybe that is why I was drawn to it.

Beautiful Death

The sunlight shines through
the yellow leaves
leaving everything awash in
golden light

I feel like I am in a painting
seeing the bright splashes of
burnished red
fire red
orange
purple

The air is saturated with magic
leaves
golden flecks
seeds
sparkles

It all floats through the air
playing with the leftover green

The mountains seem to be rusting
as they display their new colors

The rust is beautiful

The death is beautiful

The transition
letting go
dying

I drink it all in
and am filled with hope

Pears

I cut up lots and lots of pears (bum loads) and then filled up 10 trays to dehydrate them. :D I feel so clever. We still have loads and loads of pears left that are in the middle of ripening. They came from two trees off of the property we are renting. Gah! How cool is that! Here are some pictures. The pears look like little school children waiting to expectantly for some wise words of wisdom.





Tee hee you can see the computer screen reflecting in the dehydrator. Need a camera...lol

Update II

My friend had another dream. She came away from it with the feeling that now that she was prepared it was time to see about her friends and family. It would be nice to know that if there were an emergency they would also be prepared. It got me thinking again. I like to NOT think about getting prepared for an emergency. :) But then something always seems to come up in my life to remind me. I guess I will pay attention.

So here is an update of what I have done in the past two weeks.

1. Found my gloves. Good for warmth. For picking my way through broken glass etc. Mainly for warmth. Put them in my car.

2. Went through my 72 hour kit. Need to replace the batteries. Update my first aide. Other than that feel like I could survive with ease at least for 72 hours. :) Also put that in my car.

3. Put 20 dollars in small bills in my car. Emergency funds since banks and electronic debit/credit card machines might not be working.

4. Decided that I want to keep my gas tank half full.

5. Went to D.I. thrift store to look at boots. (All I have are my old running shoes. They wouldn't hold up very well if they got wet.) Couldn't find any my size at that particular store. Planning on checking out another one in these next coming weeks.

6. Talked to some more of my neighbors to see where they were at. One didn't have anything. He said he would get enough water and food for his family for 3 days. The others had at least enough for 3 days. I like knowing that my neighbors will have enough.



For some reason I am drawn to all of this. Not everyone is. Not everyone is feeling a pull to get so prepared. It is all good. We are all on our own path. Important thing: We do what we feel is right for us.

Things I plan on doing in the next 2 weeks:

1. More food storage(remember I had virtually nothing a month ago.) So maybe some more cans of soup, wild rice or something.

2. Put an extra change of clothing in my car and 3-5 gallons of water.

3. Not stress.

4. Buy some of those cool Hillside self-heating hot cocoa drinks. That would be fun in an emergency. They are like 2 bucks at Walmart.

5. Eat some chocolate.

6. Orchestrate a family meeting. See how prepared my family is. Create an emergency plan. Who to call etc. so we know everyone is safe.

7. Get copies of my ID and important documents together. Stick that in my 72 hour kit.

8. And remember to learn from yesterday, prepare for tomorrow but really enjoy living today. (Haha that sounded like it could be painted on something and hung up on the wall.)

A veritable lake of fry sauce

I was driving with my friend today. We had both gotten some lunch. Me a humongous falafel pita from the Pita Pit and my friend a burger, fries and malt from the Malt Shoppe. My friend filled up at least half way full a water cup with fry sauce (is there an AA meeting for that?). And I am thinking, "Oh no, that fry sauce is going to end up all over my car. I just know it. All over. "

So speaking to the fry sauce and the large malt I say, "Hey the rule is you have to stay upright. No spilling here, alright?" Unfortunately, my car is old enough that I don't have any reliable cup holders.

Well two minutes later I hear my friend say something to the effect of, "Oh @#$$#!" Gah, you guessed it. There it was. The fry sauce cup tipped over on my seat. The pink stuff leaking down the crack in between my seats. Yes, a veritable lake of fry sauce. EEEWWWW!!!!! Did it have to be fry sauce? I mean really. Why couldn't it have been the malt. At least my car would smell like raspberries instead of nasty fries. She cleaned it up the best she could, but the lake dribbled down into cracks that are very hard to reach. Blech blech blech. Oh well, I guess I can change the name of my car from Magnolia to Fry Sauce. She is no small fry I tell you. Though you could say she is one fry short of a happy meal. But in the end she is saucey. Ok, I am done. I am sure the smell will fade. Now to look for the fry sauce annonymous meetings.

Me Life Lessons Learrned from Runnin'

1. It doesn't really matter if your butt jiggles while you run. It just doesn't.

2. Its ok to spend a lot of money on good shoes. They will keep you running far longer than crappy ones.

3. Tying your laces in double knots is a good idea. Then they won't come undone and you won't have to stop to tie them again.

4. Its ok to stop and rest. Even if everyone else around you is still running, it is ok for you to stop and rest.

5. You never have to go farther than feels good for you.

6. But you can go farther if you want to. It might be fun to see where you can go.

7. Even when you just take one more step than you did yesterday, it is still farther.

8. Progress can sometimes be hard to find, but if you just keep going pretty soon you can look back and see how far you have come.

9. Eventually what is hard to run today will feel easy to run.

10. Races are fun.

11. Races are easier when you train from them.

12. Running with people can help you go faster.

13. Some days it is fun to push yourself. Some days it isn't.

14. Working for a long time for something and then achieving it, is priceless.

(Let me know if you think of any more.)

Andyroo

This is my nephew Andrew
His cousin Bethany calls him Andyroo

This would be him in his Sunday best
You can't tell by the picture,
But he is going to be very very tall
Like his Dad

This is Andrew doing a scene from Shakespeare
We were at my other brother's wedding
It seemed appropriate
He is very precocious

This is his Dad holding Andrew
Maybe he wasn't sure how to take all of the applause
and shouts of "Encore! Encore!"

Andrew likes to ride on lawnmowers with his Dad
Play on the piano with his Mom
Eat spaghetti
Watch trains
And lots of other things

I like Andrew

5k

I did it. I ran a 5k on Sat. morning and it was snowing. Well it snowed for part of the race. But even though it was cold, and cold and colder I ran 3 miles on Sat. morning. 3 miles! Every time I think about it, I smile.

So here's the story. As you know I have been working for a long time to run this 5k. I have always wanted to run like this. It felt like a dream was coming true. And it was a lot of hard work and patience. Well Friday night, the night before the race I start to feel sick. Sick! Gah, I couldn't run if I were sick! My head hurt. My body was aching like I had the flu. My nose was starting to drip down my throat. I was kind of devastated. After all of that work, I might not be able to run. So I herbed myself up, took a long bath, went to bed early and prayed that I would feel good in the morning.

My friends a miracle occurred. I woke up the next morning feeling ok, not great, but ok. Drove down to the race thinking that at least I would support my friends and family that were also running the race. But as I was driving, I kept feeling better and better. By the time I got to the race I felt quite good enough to run! It was a miracle I tell you. You see about 6 hours or so after the race was done, I felt very much sick again. It was like someone pushed the pause button on my sickies so I could run. I know, you could say that I got sick again because I ran 3 miles out in the cold. But it didn't feel that way. It felt like someone was watching over me and my dreams. That someone bigger than myself cared.

So I ran. My Dad and brother were there running with me. My two good friends came and also ran. I felt so supported and loved. I ran. I wasn't the fastest. I wasn't the slowest. I was just me. People along the edge of the roads cheered us on. Someone even yelled out, "Go number 613!" I had to look down at my bib to remember it was me. I only stopped if I had to stretch out my hip, but other than that I ran the whole time.

And it was intoxicating. The breathing, the rhythm of the my legs, the cold, the warmth spreading out from my muscles, the other runners around me, the encouragement coming from the crowd and the other runners, the speed, the determination, all of it intoxicating. It reminded me how beautiful humans can be and the beauty they can create.

We forgot to get pictures of us actually at the race, but here are some of my t-shirt, bib and result card. Apparently, my lovely laptop camera reverses the image so you will have to use your mighty super-powers to read anything.




I'm definitely addicted and am considering running another race in two weeks. :D Maybe in the spring I will run a 10k, or even....even....a half-marathon.

(On a side note, I guess I will take down my counter that counted the days left until my first 5k, and my flying shoes pictures. I'm reluctant. Maybe I will leave up the pictures.)

Beauty and the Beast. Or just the Beast.

I had a bizarre moment today. I was hanging around with my Dad, brother and two friends before the 5k this morning. (Oh yes, I ran the 5k! I did! I did. But it was momentous enough that I don't want to put it into words yet. Tomorrow.)

So there I was in my capri pant thingies that left my calves bare. I hadn't shaved for awhile. See My Red Wool. I normally don't care much what other people are thinking about my leg hair. That is their deal. But somehow it became the topic of conversation and my Dad made some offhand comment about it repelling men. I don't remember exactly what he said, but the point was that men aren't usually attracted to hairy legs. I immediately said that I didn't care anymore while pretending to brandish my legs around as repelling weapons. Who needs mace when you have hairy legs? (oh dear..)

Well, tonight I've been thinking and processing through a lot of emotions around that conversation. And since this is my blog, I am going to write them out. Bwaaahaahaa!

My hairy legs. I can't stand them and I can't stand that I can't stand them. (Read that sentence 3 times really fast.) I mean they are a part of me. I'm human. I have hair. For some reason even though beautiful women are supposed to have smooth legs, my hair keeps on growing. I sometimes get up the courage to shave, but it hurts. And the results are lovely for about half a day. Then they are prickly(and once again my legs are a weapon.) So to keep them smooth, I would have to shave everyday. My skin would fall off from irritation. I barely get away with shaving once a week. So we have irritated skin, prickly legs, or hairy legs. Which option would you choose? The irritated skin is probably the most socially acceptable, but it also probably hurts the worst. Waxing? Gah. Even worse than shaving. More irritation, that lasts longer. Ingrown hairs galore. And they still aren't smooth! Apparently I have a layer of hair that doesn't get ripped out with waxing. Nice. Nair/etc.? My lungs and head hurt along with the skin. Is that stuff safe?

So if your hand doth offend you, cut it off right? Electrolysis. Here comes the crux of the matter. I am thoroughly pissed this is even an issue at all! Why shouldn't I love my hair? Why shouldn't society love women's hair? Why are women smooth and men hairy? Women grow hair! Smooth women? Women are smooth up until puberty. Then they grow hair. That is a mark of their maturing into womanhood. So we are idealizing prepubescence-ness? (Yeah, I don't know if that is really a word, but you get the point.)

I'm not saying that noone should ever shave. If you want to shave, great. I'm just wondering if there isn't room for seeing the beauty in women's hair. Wait, it isn't beautiful? An integral part of me being a woman isn't beautiful? I have actually had people comment to my face how disgusting they found my leg hair. Where is our tolerance? Or not even tolerance, but openness to beauty in a viewpoint that is not your own.

So is it not possible that there is a man that can love my hair? Tolerate it? At least not be repelled by it? I feel like the beast that you have to get past the initial hairy horror to love.






(I just noticed my last four posts have been of the more cranky nature. It has been a long week...but that felt good to write out.)

I'm so done with earthquakies

Oh my hell.
Will people stop having dreams about earthquakes
that might happen in the month of October in Utah?!
Just stop it!
Now!
No more dreams!
I mean it!

That is just going to piss me off if
an earthquake really happens.
That is not in my plans.
My groove will definitely be thrown.

I don't want to have to plan for it!

I don't want to think about it!

I don't want to!

pout

pout

pout

And while we are on the subject,
why are my roommates so into getting all prepared?

All I ever hear is what we need to get next.
And what I am forgetting in my stupid 72 hour kit.
And how if I don't get that I am really going to be suffering.
And I am constantly reminded that I have like zero monies
to get any of this crap.

Maybe if I did have some extra cash
this might be more fun.
But I don't!

pout

pout

pout



pah.

Ok, I feel better now.

Religulous

Anybody seen Religulous, the documentary by Bill Maher? I actually haven't. Didn't even know that it existed until my friend blogged about it. Then I looked up his link to Eric Snider's review. Then I read all 59 comments readers posted about the review. Yup, all 59 bazillion of them. Then for some bizarre reason posted a comment myself. I don't usually post comments on stuff like that. But there I was posting away.

Well to make a long story short, I have been posting all day about "is there a God, or isn't there a God". Atheists galore have been posting their opinions. I'm pretty sure Mormon bishops have posted their opinions. Maybe even the Pope is on there. Well that is probably a stretch. A lot of people wanted to say that the "other" group was completely wrong and see here is all of the evidence.

"You can't possibly say there isn't a God."

"Well, you can't possibly prove there is a God."

"And you can't prove there isn't a God."

blah blah blah. No, they can have their opinion. It is just when they are so sure the other person is wrong that I get bugged. Guess what you can't prove there is a God! There is always someone that can argue against it, even if you saw the Guy/Gal/Whoknows yourself. And you can't prove there isn't a God!

What do I believe? I believe there is a God. I believe the "supernatural" experiences I have had are real. It feels right to me. I like running my life believing in a God. And if you don't like believing in a God, if doesn't feel right to you, then good'on ya! Maybe God doesn't exist for you, maybe just for believers...:) I don't know! I am certainly not going to tell you that you are an idiot. I might not get it, but that doesn't mean you are stupid. So there.

My Red Wool

I look down and see my wooly legs.
What a cosmic joke.
Some sheep is missing its wool
because it grows on my legs.

Red wool.

The razor shines in the light.
4 blades surrounded by moisturizers.
Guaranteed to leave my legs so touchable.

It runs smooth over my leg.
Mostly smooth in its wake.

I step out of the shower
and towel off the water.

Looking down I see the redness begin.
My skin irritated.
But touchable, yes?

I wrinkle my nose.
A bit frustrated.

I think about the next day.
Any semblance of smooth will be gone.

My wool has some bizarre complex.
Afraid of being too short?
Grow! Grow! Grow!

By the 2nd day my leg hairs should be registered as
Lethal Weapons.
Just a graze up against me
would leave you with ribbons of bleeding.

Smooth is so lovely.
Smooth is so touchable.
Smooth is so acceptable.

Why does every woman I know have hair follicles
that naturally grow hair?

How did our hair get to be so unacceptable?
so unfeminine?

Here is the hard place.
There is the rock.

Update

Click here for more info on how to find/buy one of these

Baby Steps. This weekend my roomate and I filled up two 30 gallon containers and one 12 gallon container with vodka. Oh, I mean water. They are outside on our property so we didn't fill them up all of the way for when the water freezes. We then added 1/2 teaspoon of bleach per every 5 gallons of water and sealed them up. It ended up being about 60 gallons of water we now have stored. 60 gallons! :D

Estimating that each person needs at least 1 gallon per day if not more that would last the 3 of us a good 2 weeks.

Big smile on my face that we actually got out there and did it.

Untamed and Wild

It rained and my hair seems to think that is license to do whatever it wants. Well, actually it always thinks that. But when it rains it is worse. Every little strand gets all excited and wants to stand up, curl every which way and do a dance on top of my head. So here is a picture of my rain head. Granted the picture does not do it justice and I had in some gel to calm it down. It was much more wild than it looks! But for your viewing pleasure I give you; Untamed and Wild.

Addicted

You know you are an addict
When you look outside and
the trees are blowing
the rain is falling
the air is cold

and you say to yourself
Mmmmm, I think I'll go for a run.

Geodes

The other day my friend and I happened upon a bunch of unopened geodes at The Quilted Bear of all places. They were only 50 cents so we bought a couple.

Geodes: essentially rocks with crystal formations on the inside.

Apparently Utah is one of like 5 states in the U.S. that has a large quantity of geodes in its natural landscape.

They fascinate me. These rocks that from the outside just look like ordinary rocks. I'm sure that if I were a geologist that it would be easy to spot a geode from a mile away. But to me they look like...rocks. Round. Rocky. Rough. Like rocks. But then you crack them open and there is this beautiful array of sparkly crystals inside. Eeheehee. Hidden treasures. I feel like a little kid.

This is my geode. (Remember that I don't actually have a camera. Yeah, I just take pictures with my laptop camera. It is an art form in and of itself. You would probably fall over laughing to see me trying to get just the right angle with this silly laptop in hand. And once again ignore the amazing I've-been-sick-and-haven't-done-my-hair do.)

I was thoroughly entranced.



Then I took a little screwdriver and a little golden hammer and tapped it open. This is one of the sides. You can't really tell but there are all of these gorgeous little clear crystals in there.



I thought I would try another picture to see if I could show the little crystals better. It just looks like my hand is going to smash you.


Getting philosophical and slightly cheesy.

I'm like a geode. Rough on the outside but sparkly and beautiful on the inside.

windy leafy thoughts

I am a massage therapist. Sometimes I do mobile massage and go to people's houses. It can work very well. I had two massages scheduled for today. One of them just had surgery on her foot and was really miserable. A massage would have really helped. She is the niece of one of my other clients.

Well I woke up sick this morning. Bad sore throat. Tired. Ears hurt. And I had to cancel my massages. Well poo poo head client number 1 (I don't really think she is a poo poo head...) calls client number 2 and tells her how frustrated she is that I had to cancel. But doesn't tell her the whole story like I'M SICK! So my regular client is frustrated that I canceled. And I am frustrated that both of them are frustrated, and wondering why the hell client number one didn't tell client number two the whole damn story. Did she not believe me that I am sick???

But do you know with what I am most frustrated? You see I get why both of my client's are frustrated. I would be too if the massage that I had been looking forward to all of a sudden got canceled and I was in pain from being in bed for two weeks. I would be very frustrated. I would want to throw something. And I really doubt that she doesn't believe me. I think she was just venting to her aunt about how frustrated she was. So in the end that really isn't the problem.

The problem is that I am frustrated that I can't do everything. That I can't fix everyone's problems. That I can't be there for everyone. That I can't make everyone's pain go away. Damnit.

And do you know where this all comes from? Well, I will tell you. When I was a kid I felt like I wasn't enough because I couldn't fix my mom's pain. I couldn't make her feel better. And for other reasons I couldn't feel it that she loved me. (I can see now that she did and does..., but back then I couldn't. I thought she didn't love me). So this connection got made that if I don't fix people's problems, if I don't take away their pain then they won't love me.

I'm not looking for my client's to love me. That relationship is purely professional, but this whole thing echoed of a bunch of emotions that I haven't looked at for a long time. Can people love me when I can't give them what they need, or what they want? Will they love me? Will they even like me? Will anyone want to be around me? ahhh! I will be alone for the rest of my life and have to work at Walmart!

And is it ok if someone doesn't like me? or if someone can't stand my guts? Or doesn't want to ever get a massage from me again? Can that be ok?

I mean it would be a different story if I were just being malicious and canceled the massage. But that is not what it is. I am doing everything I can. And when I can't, I can't.

I feel like all of these thoughts are just leaves winding around in my head not making much sense, nor settling down.