Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Polygamous Chickens, Swifty George...again and Hobo Spiders. Holy Hell should I be a Buddhist or a terrorist?!

As you might have imagine from the title of this post, it was an eventful day yesterday. First things first, Swifty George finally emerged! Who knows where he has been these past couple of days. I came home last night and had a tickly feeling that I should look under my bed. Lo and behold there he was hiding out like I wasn't going to know. He is kind of funny like those big creatures that think they can hide behind little things. When I was first trying to catch him he would speed over to a tea-light holder or something else small like that and try to hide. You could totally see half of him poking out, bits of legs and feelers, but he was just sure that I was going to pass him by. Anyway, I finally stealth moded my way over and caught the little fellow. I took pictures. It is hard to see but he really is in the vase.

And just in case you are wondering I relocated him outside so he can hide under blades of grass or behind small pebbles. My face is exultant from actually catching the bugger. A shout out for Swifty!

Well about two minutes after the successful capture my roomate points out this crazy spider web on one of little lights on my cute garden-partyesque string of lights.

Here is a visual, though the spider is being shy for the camera. Soon after she points out the web, the spider comes crawling out of his new treehouse and she gets this look in her eye. It is that look of ...I know something that I really should tell you, but I really don't want to. She said, "I think that is a Hobo Spider". What?! Holy Hell. Hobo Spider. In My Bedroom. Are you kidding me? Can I have a break from the bugs please? Needless to say I spend the next hour scrambling around trying to figure out if I should kill it, or if it is my greatgrandmother. Not to mention that killing it would require that it get out of my fairy light. I didn't really want to smash the light as well as the spider.

So what do you do when you are scrambling avoiding necrosis-causing spiders? Google, of course. I now feel like an expert on Hobos. Did you know that they aren't very good climbers and will most likely be around baseboards etc. instead of on your ceiling. Bet you didn't.

And the end of the story? I have to get my leg amputated, but other than that the lights are fine. Just kidding..... It turns out it wasn't a Hobo!! (I would understand if you need to jump up and dance for joy). Apparently Hobos have a cousin spider that look verrrrry similar except on their legs there are these rings of color. Hobos legs are all uniform in color, but these barn funneling spiders have these rings. And my spider had ringed legs. A barn funnel weaving spider. Great name. Praise all of the spider gods because these cousins are not dangerous. As soon as I found that out, I let the spider be and went to bed as it was an ungodly hour at that point. Today barn funnel guy got relocated. I now petition the bug gods for no more crazy bugs, especially in my bedroom. I was so nice and took them please, please? Shoot maybe I was supposed to do a sacrifice instead.

And the chickens/roosters? To clarify, since there was a bit of confusion, the gaggle is composed of both chickens and roosters. Many roosters. Many chickens. Many husbands. Many wives. It is not surprising that on George Q. Cannon's old property the wild chicken posse (I think I call all chickens and roosters, chickens.) is polygamous or communal or something. I wonder which one is the second wife, and if they rotate with their sister chicken wives sleeping with the roosters. Alright, alright I am done.


Julie said...

Man its like you are living in the the outback, on the land, just you and your spider senses.....Fun times!!!

Lianne said...

I think you should be a Buddhist terrorist. Meditate and then kill the fuckers.


Anonymous said...

Okay I think my favorite phrase in the whole post is "sister chicken wives" LOL so dang funny!!

River said...

Meditate and then kill...mmm interesting. I am pretty sure that is just a terrorist lol.

Out in the sticks in the middle of SLC with the fucking sister wife chickens. (Er I mean the sister wife chickens that mate with the roosters a lot. Though I really don't know how that happens. Don't they fertilize the eggs? So not really mating. bummer.)