Thursday, July 24, 2008

I should never sugar and drive...

I have been drunk twice in my life. Somehow I didn't learn the first time that I really no likey. First of all I don't hold my alcohol well at all, so after one glass I am feeling loopy. Soon the depth perception gets weird. Thing don't go where I put them and the like. I start to not be able to think clearly, and not to care. I laugh a lot, and then get really tired. Somewhere in the middle of all of that the headache begins and my body says, "Why? I mean really, why? Now I am working overtime to get this stuff out, because we don't like it. Liver doesn't like it. Kidneys over there in the back don't like it. Glands over there in the neck get all puffed and break out. Yup, the vote is a no go on the alcohol." And I haven't been drunk since.

Well today I got accidentally intoxicated. Not from drinking, but eating a slushy thing. You know one of those icey, summery slushies with names like Orange Oasis, you get from the roadside shacks. Who knew that those little shacks served alcoholic slushies. No, it is not true. There was no alcohol in it at all. I think it was a combination of the sugar, neon orange, glow-in-the-dark, darth vader food coloring and the ice-cream at the bottom. Oh yeah and on the rocks. So why did I eat it in the first place??? I don't usually eat sugar because it ain't so healthy for you and it doesn't make me feel so good. But today was a holiday and I was feeling rash. So I did. I ate the whole gynormous, super-size the hell out of me thing. Within the hour I was feeling nauseated, slightly headachy and very loopy. I couldn't think straight. Couldn't type real words worth beans. I could type, quite fast I noticed, but the words just weren't real. And everything seemed really funny. (My new words made me laugh and laugh. I am pretty sure that if anyone was around they thought I had lost it.)

On a side note, but a connected note (:)) I was reading the other day about symptoms of poisonous spider bites (see previous post). They were ironically very similar. Headache. Nausea. Fuzziness. Vomiting (did I mention that in the end I threw up?). How is it that there are no warning labels on this sugar shit?????? Sorry it was just such good alliteration. From seeing the effect sugary stuff has on my niece and nephews it is a wonder that it isn't illegal to feed it to kids. I guess we have spent the last few years building up an immunity to iocane powder, er I mean sugar.

All I can say is that it is a good thing I wasn't driving at the time. I might have been pulled over for a DUI.

5 comments:

michellekoerber said...

Dude...can't believe you barfed it up! I must have an immunity...cause I felt fabulous! LOVE the snoasis glacier! mmmmmmm mmmmmm

Hot Air said...

Oh my gosh- I haven't been here since the fifth belt hole. What is my problem?

That is so funny, that just as I was going to get the link for your blog (and being distracted by the ugly.... I'm sucked to ugly photos like a moth to a flame) you were going for mine. Great minds. Great minds with red hair on top.

You me likey. Ha ha. And I'm not even on a sugar high. Okay, maybe I am.

Julie said...

Ha ha ha this post made me laugh out loud. I love that you qouted the little lisping sicilian!!

River said...

yes Michelle you have spent the last few years developing an immunity. That might serve you well in future quests....

I am pretty sure that red hair enhances brain activity. Everyone should dye their hair red.

That lisping sicilian. He is a fountain of wisdom. Though wasn't it the hot man in black that said he had been building up his immunity. Mmmm he was delish.

Lianne said...

Sugar and I have a very loving dysfunctional relationship.