Thursday, July 17, 2008

The fifth belt hole

Today I finally reached my life goal and now can rest in peace. I reached the fifth belt hole. Now, now I will explain. Don't worry.

I have been blessed with very tall, skinny jeans, I mean genes. (The funny thing is I really did accidently type jeans). My Dad is enormously tall, something like 6'4" and at one point probably weighed 150 pounds. He is the source of my skinny genes. My legs are ridiculous. Very long. You could even say lusciously long. :) BUT I also have a fat gene somewhere. Some jabba-the-hut gene that snuck in. No, I am not one of those fortunate human beings that can eat whatever the hell they want and always have glowing skin, flatboard tummys etc. And somehow those people when they do gain weight gain it all in the right places... They end up with bootylicious asses, boobylicious D-cups and still a flatboard tummy. In some areas, life is very unfair. You see I did not get one of thooossse flab genes but one of the ooottther flab genes. When I get fatty I gain it all in my waist. I then lose my waist and begin to look like a dolphin or a whale. My butt starts to get v-shaped since the weight is still being gained as close to the waist as possible. So the lower half of my butt doesn't get the fat. Then, and only then, after all of that has puffed out, do I gain weight in my arms and legs. It is a weird thing I tell ya. I might even get brave and put up some pictures so you can all appreciate the interestingness of my fat gene. Ach! I did it! Well there you go....the beautiful v-butt. Eh, it is all good. It kind of makes you want to squish it...being all v-like.

Moving on. So about 2-3 months ago a side-long glance in some random mirror shocked me into realizing that I had gotten a little more v-butty than usual. It was time for some change... Started running, drinking more water, eating more fresh stuff and whole-grain stuff and not so much of the yucky-for-you stuff. Began drinking my green sludgies again (a cousin to the smoothie...though an entire post by itself should be devoted to the green sludgies. Look for it about next week.) I even did sit-ups for like the first month. And I am proud to say that I have lost almost 20 pounds. Crazy eh?

Now to the belt...every so often I have had to cinch up my belt one more notch. I started out wearing it at the number 2 notch....number 3 was pretty tight. And then when number 3 was feeling good, that was cool. Theeen last week I could wear my belt at the number 4 and I was feeling pretty pretty spiffy. The thought at that point was, well some day I will be able to cinch up to number 5 (which happens to be the last hole on the belt) and then I will have reached somewhere important. For some reason belt hole number 5 was it. I figured it would be a least another month. But...drum roll....today it happened. I wasn't expecting that. It seemed impossible that I could be at the five already. But no...it happened. Just like that. It is kind of trippin' me. What other things in my life am I assuming are going to take a long time. This reminds me of what I was thinking yesterday. Maybe more impossible things really are possible. I mean really possible.

I guess I might actually be levitating next week.

5 comments:

Hot Air said...

Oh my awesome!!! And I just sent Zach to get Graeter's after watching a PBS ice cream special. What am I going to do when he gets back? Is your success going to inspire me? Huh. Maybe I'll read it again when I'm not on my . Maybe I will buy a belt.

Keep up the good work!

corb said...

Congrats. That is way cool. I need to start drinking those green drinks again as well.

River said...

huh. Funny how sometimes you can write comments and send them over the mysterious web and they vanish. Well I am going to stubbornly write it again. So there.

Thanks for the encouragement! :D

PBS ice cream specials usually make me drool a little. And if you are on your . then all healthy rules do not apply right? lol

Corbrett, my heart is warmed thinking of you drinking a green sludgie! Haha you will probably make it into my green sludgie post.

Michellie said...

and may I say you look smoking hot these days! We should get out the fancy shmancy expensive camera and take some hottie pictures to post next to the v butt pictures so the obvious change is available for all to drool over!

River said...

haha indeed we should...though it should come with a warning. We wouldn't want people to ruin their computers with drool.