I sit. Exhausted though it is only 3 in the afternoon. I haven't eaten enough today and apparently that is important. Why do I have to be so dependent on food? There should be a way around that you know. Some way where if I didn't want to eat, I wouldn't have to. Ah, I get why I am bugged. Deep down, somewhere inside of me, there is someone that hates doing stuff she doesn't want to do. She sounds kind of like a 3 year-old.
"You can't make me do anything! You are not my mommy!" and sometimes she says things like "Just because you are my mommy, doesn't mean I have to do what you say!" Ha ha I'm 29, right?
You know, I think there is more to this than my residual childhood issues. I think that before we were on this Earth, and later on after we are on this Earth, we won't be dependent on physicality, food, shelter. Duh, right? And I know this inside of me so part of me is saying..."argh this again?" Duh, right? Well in the last little while I have been hearing of incidents of people that don't seem to be so dependent on this physical world. I have been hearing about monks that can sit on mountainsides without being affected by the changing weather. I heard about a woman that walked for peace...just walked and walked and wouldn't eat until offered food. She didn't have shelter, or weather-appropriate clothing and was fine. Then there is my friend who told me that she sat and watched the Dali Lama produce butterflies out of thin air....as if the rules of this physical realm didn't quite apply. Now that I think about it, I suppose I have had an experience like this when I did a firewalk. It was at least 1300 degrees f, and I didn't get burned. We wrote down on a piece of paper that day: "The impossible is possible. Today I walked on fire."
So I wonder about what else is really actually possible that I have always thought impossible. I have always been told that all things are possible to God. And with that came a slew of rules and limitations stemming from us and our sins so that all things really weren't possible to God, just what He could do with what we were giving Him. That though is a topic for another day, I think.
Back to wondering....John Updike once said something to the effect of "Dreams come true, otherwise nature wouldn't incite us to have them." But I have wild dreams...of my being able to fly and time-travel, stuff like that. I can hear my past saying, "well yeah all of your dreams will come true in the next life if you keep the commandments." A part of me isn't accepting that anymore. A part of me stirs inside and hints at impossible possibilities that can happen here, now. I might be levitating next week.