Wednesday, November 5, 2008


My hand rubs the back of my neck. It hurts. The pressure is constant, like it has no place to go. The muscles are clenched, concentrated where my spine meets my skull. The tightness wraps around to my throat and then back down to make the small of my back ache. Where is this coming from? Why do I feel like I want to hit everyone in sight, smash every plate I get my hands on, yell and scream till my throat hurts? And then cry? The magnitude of what is boiling inside scares me. It ripples, bubbles and threatens to erupt, burning everything in its path.

Anger. Fear. Forbidden emotions. Guilt then? More acceptable.

But I can't stop the anger. It won't stop. Somehow it has been unleashed, like a rabid dog, that having been bound for years rips out in wildness.

So I breathe. Slowly. In and out. Willing the red haze to clear. I can feel its tendrils searching for anything to release some of the pressure. Anything that might make me mad. Anything.


Julie said...

Be mad. Yell, scream, break plates!!! Get it out. There is no need to keep it all bottled up. From my own experience if you stuff the feelings they always come back and usually with more energy.

You have every right to express what it is that is going on inside. If you need to yell at someone I'm free.

I have come to the conclusion that there is no reason to be ashamed/embarassed for feeling anger/rage. It's what I choose to do with it that will determine the type of person I am. As long as I don't hurt others or hurt myself then I feel like I can express it in any other way really and its all good.

Sahara said...

Oh you are so therapeutic. By the way, I am sending you a hug.

Summer said...



Summer said...
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