Restless

Something inside won't settle.
Always wanting to move.
Always be somewhere else.

Never content just to be.
Right here.
Right now.

Maybe afraid to be.
Here.
Now.

I feel like I want to run.
Away where no one is.

Somewhere cozy.
Safe.

Maybe wrapped in a blanket.

And stay there for a long time.

And just be.

With my restlessness.

Chariots of Fire

I watched my favorite snippets from Chariots of Fire today.

"Jenny, I believe God made me for a purpose.
But I also believe He made me fast.
And when I run, I feel His pleasure."

Ah geeze, it seriously made me cry.

Little Boys and Vacuums

I have noticed that all of my nephews like vacuums. The two I see the most often LOVE vacuums. Whenever I turn on the vacuum at my sister's house my one little nephew is riveted. Can't take his eyes off the thing. Starts to follow me around. It is almost like the vacuum has some magical Pied Piper quality or something.

Here is a picture of my cute nephew Andrew again. With a something that sure looks like a vacuum. And from the look on his face you know he just wants to take it apart and see how it works.


And speaking of his cuteness here is another picture that I just got from their weekly email. Oh, I just can't stand it.


And last but not least....

The weird things I eat

Today I mixed
raw cocoa
coconut oil
agave(like honey)
some Kashi cinnamon shredded wheat squares
and sprinkled dry cookie mix on top.

Yesterday...
salad greens
garbanzo beans
natural Cheetos
mustard
veginaise(like mayonnaise)
and ate it with my fingers.

My reasons for smooth legs might not be compelling enough...

I tried it. After my lovely bath this morning, I climbed out, smoothed sugar wax on my left leg and flicked. Or ripped. And the hairs came out. And it hurt. I think it hurt less than waxing though it has been a long time since I have subjected my legs to that wretched practice. The pain definitely went away faster. There is less redness. But it hurt.

Why do I want smooth legs again? Someone remind me. Oh yeah because I like the feel of them. And they look so lovely. Sometimes I like to fit into society. Harrumph.

I didn't finish my leg. I discovered that I hadn't cooked the sugar stuff long enough. It was too sticky and only worked once. Then I had to stick my leg in the shower to get it off.


There she is. Half epilated. The pores red. Once again I'm baffled at society's drive to have women's legs smooth.

I kind of like the smoothness though. I might try it again. Which baffles me even more.

The Wax er not wax

This would be me with the sugar stuff that I made.
For sugaring of course!
I actually made it on Sat.
I haven't yet mustered up the whatever to try it on my leg hairs.
(The vein in my forehead looks smashing don't you think?)

This is me playing with a snippet of the stuff.
Cool, eh?
Kind of makes you want to try it, huh.
Well, almost.
I think my look is kind of funny in this picture.
Sort of a I'm not entirely sure what to make of you look.

It looks Tuesday might be the day.
Wish me luck.

Sugaring

What?

Yeah, sugaring.

Thousand year-old hair delipation technique.

Made from sugar/honey, lemon juice and water.

I found a recipe online.

Wouldn't it be funny if I became a sugaring expert?

It looks like you are playing with taffy.

Henry and Winifred

There has been an extended family of spiders that has moved in. I think they got the address wrong on their vacation villa. Little buggers with striped legs. I have now relocated 5 spiders in the last two days. Where have all the Swifties gone? Long time........(Wendy stops singing)where have they gone? Did they go on vacation? Why does no one inform me of these change of plans?

Well these last two named Henry and Winifred were sitting together by my hand-made box on the floor. And being the clever girl I am, I took my relocating cup and snagged them both. There they were running around in circles along the cup's edge and the paper I was holding over the top. Bumping into each other. Going the other way. Bumping into each other again. At one point one of the spiders lifted its two front leggies and there was a stand-off. But I swear they were saying:

"Winifred, come on let's make a show of it."

"Ah Henry but it is so late."

"Yes, but Winny, she is so bored these days, it will give her something to blog about."

"Oh alright. Here I will put up my leggies like this. Like we are going to fight or something."

"Oh look, she is delighted. Well, I guess we are off to a new villa eh?"

"Let's rendezvous at the porch light."

"Cheers darling!"

And I threw them out the front door. On their little bummy bums and told them that I really wasn't equipped to put up spiders for the night. I think they understood.

Blasted Cold Weather

Can we take a moment and remember Michael Phelps in this time of cold?

Update III

We have emergency preparedness meetings at my home about every two weeks. Anyone is invited. We all share what we have done in that last two weeks to increase our preparedness. So Update III.

I think I have finally really looked at my fear of emergencies/disasters. It turned out to not be as big as it seemed. My thoughts used to run the "what if" game a lot. Now it is more of "we are always taken care of one way or another just keep doing what you feel is right to do."

So physically, I bought some winter boots. I am often in denial about Winter, so haven't had boots for awhile. Last Winter I even wore flip flops....yeah denial. But I bought boots. That should be a good thing. I went and finally got all of the stuff for my first aid kit. I now feel like if someone came to me with a fork sticking out of their arm, I could help them.

Other than that I didn't do much else. I had a lonnnng list of things that I wanted to get done, but really didn't do any of them. And that is quite alright. One step at a time. It really is the journey not the end that matters for me.

The Fated Christmas Tree...er Winter Tree...er my excuse for putting up Sparkly Lights

Well, tomorrow I am going to get my Christmas tree from out of storage. Which would be my friend's garage at the moment, bless her heart. And it shall go up. Up I say. Up in all of its glory and sparklies. The only problem is, I don't know where to put it. As our house is so magnificently arranged there is no place readily available for a grand tree. Let me show you some of the options, or lack thereof.


First, we have the kitchen. "The kitchen?" you say. Well, it actually was one of the first considerations since it is the only room that has any kind of space available where we wouldn't have to move much. Do you see it? There, behind the table. By the mirror and that other thing. We would just have to skooch the table out a bit. And there we would be eating our meals and enjoying the Tree.


The only problem is that it's in the kitchen. Who wants to be having to look in the kitchen to enjoy a Tree? I ask you.

Here is one wall of the living room. Though you might think there would be room to put the Tree to either side of the couch, there isn't. So we thought since there is no picture up on the wall yet, we might just have to mount the tree on the wall, horizontally sticking out of course. My roommate thinks this is the best idea so far.


The only problem? Well we might have to get people to sign waivers when they sit there. And I suppose it could be a little tricky getting it up there in the first place.

Then we have our other corner(our living room isn't actually a square, being built in 1890 by polygamists. I think they thought that 4 walls wasn't enough so we have 6.) We had thought about putting it in that corner where the lamp and bookshelf are. BUT then we have to move the lamp and the bookshelf. And then where do we put THOSE thingies? Serious lack of storage in our housen. Apparently the builders didn't see a need for that. But it would look very lovely. Very normal(as opposed to being on the wall, I suppose).


The only problem? Oh right, I already told you the only problem.

The other possibilities would be in front of the fireplace. Yes, we are planning on giving away the big, black monster. If you want it, let me know. So a Tree in front of the fire place. Doesn't that just seem like bad Fueng Shui? Not that we can actually put a fire in there, but just the idea of it seems wrong.


Problems? Well, besides looking kinda funny, I guess none. We wouldn't have to move anything except Blackamous. It would make our bookshelves look fabulous. Eh? Any suggestions?

No, hanging it from the ceiling is out(the ceiling is a little weak). No, we are not going to put it in the bathroom. Where would we poop? And no, not in my closet. Though I suppose I could hang my clothes on the branches. And of course no not in the front doorway. How would we get out? A window? Preposterous. But please, suggestions are welcome.

Clenched

My hand rubs the back of my neck. It hurts. The pressure is constant, like it has no place to go. The muscles are clenched, concentrated where my spine meets my skull. The tightness wraps around to my throat and then back down to make the small of my back ache. Where is this coming from? Why do I feel like I want to hit everyone in sight, smash every plate I get my hands on, yell and scream till my throat hurts? And then cry? The magnitude of what is boiling inside scares me. It ripples, bubbles and threatens to erupt, burning everything in its path.

Anger. Fear. Forbidden emotions. Guilt then? More acceptable.

But I can't stop the anger. It won't stop. Somehow it has been unleashed, like a rabid dog, that having been bound for years rips out in wildness.

So I breathe. Slowly. In and out. Willing the red haze to clear. I can feel its tendrils searching for anything to release some of the pressure. Anything that might make me mad. Anything.

Stop Shoulding All Over Me

Guess what. I didn't register to vote. Nope. And I'm not going to vote. Nope. And I am so sick and tired of people everywhere telling me I HAVE to vote. Or that it is my CIVIL DUTY. Or if I don't vote, I'm not being a good citizen! You are shoulding all over me!

I am choosing not to vote this year (which IS legal by the way) for very personal reasons. I am not going to go into them. I don't know if very many people would understand them. But it wasn't a decision of laziness. It was an intentional decision.

I feel great about all of you that vote, voting. I love it. I love the fact that we can vote. That is not where my decision came from.

So, if you want to tell me your reasons for voting. Or tell me why you are concerned that I am not voting. Great! But if you tell me I should vote, I might just punch you. And we all know that I do kung fu.

Still?

I can't believe it. I still can't think of anything to write. Nothing seems important. I still run. I have decided to do a 10k in the early Spring, and a half marathon in the Summer. But I don't know what to say other than I am going to run. I'm massaging. Two new job opportunities have come, one with a spa, the other with a Chiropractor's office. I might take either of them. I might not. I meet cool people that change my life. I buy food storage. I read books. And it all seems kind of non-important in a way. Or at least none of it inspires me to write. I feel like I have lost the muse.