Absence of Fear

My friend woke up from a dream recently. It was a dream that we had a national disaster, like an earthquake, here in Salt Lake. She was woken up and a voice said that she wasn't prepared. She went back to sleep and dreamed about people not having clean water, food or shelter. She woke up again and was told she wasn't prepared. She went back to sleep and was woken a third time and told to get prepared now before the month was over. The next day she did.

She related this experience to me and it made me think very seriously about if I am prepared. What if an earthquake happened in the next month? We have always been told there will some day be a crazy big earthquake here in Utah. That we are overdue, etc. So what if it did? Do I have enough water if nothing were coming out of my tap? Do I have enough food? Stuff for first-aide? Warm clothing? Shelter? If I were in my car, would I have what I would need? Would I have enough chocolate? That actually crossed my mind :).

I am not a gloom and doom person. Never really have been. I think that everything ends up working for our good, if you will. But I would like to have water, and food and warm stuff. I would like to be able to bandage something if I were hurt or someone else were hurt. I would like to have some chocolate on hand, maybe a card game or two if we had to wait for awhile. I would like to be around people I love. I would like my family to be ok. My sister's dogs to have enough food and water. My nieces and nephews to be warm and ok. What if I were at work? I actually have a 72 hour kit, a sleeping bag, tent, tarp and some blankets in my car. I think I will put in a couple jugs of water.

So I don't know. Maybe something will happen. Maybe not. But I keep feeling like it is time for me to really crack down and get what I need to feel prepared. Now, I have been feeling like that for awhile, but the urgency inside of me changed this week. Instead of thinking oh I will do that next month... It is I had better do that this weekend. If a disaster is going to happen, I want it to be an adventure not...well...a disaster.

My roomaties and I are actually going to go around to our neighbors and ask them if they have stored water and at least some food. That isn't too overwhelming to get if you don't have it. Some jugs of water for each person, and maybe a case of canned food you could eat.

The American Red Cross recommends you keep these on hand in this order of priority.

WATER | FOOD
FIRST AID | TOOLS, SUPPLIES | SANITATION
CLOTHES, BEDDING | DOCUMENTS

more details here

The picture is a wake-up call for me. But just a wake-up call. Yup, that could happen. Ok. We will just take it as it comes. Ok. Life will go on. Ok. People might die. Ok. You might die. Ok. Maybe nothing will happen. Ok.

There is a song by Jewel called Absence of Fear. It strikes home. Fear and worry can be useful for me when they incite a change. When I just sit in them, they only bind me. This image for some reason is full of absence of fear for me. Looking to the golden horizon. Prepared. Centered. Anchored. Powerful. It really is going to all be alright.

My Preeeeccious

You will never guess what happened this weekend. I was standing out on my front porch, talking to some friends with my laptop in hand. I wanted to show them a picture I'd taken earlier that day. I walked over to my friend Dean and went to turn the computer around and I kid you not, the laptop, as if it had a life of its own, tipped and flew out of my hands down the stairs. I reached out grasping after it to no avail. It landed on the cement below. My shiny, silver Macbook Pro landed on the cement. I seriously went into shock.

My laptop. One of my favorite things in the whole world. I don't let other people use it(now, now don't judge me we all have our weird things). I don't loan it out. I take uber-excellent care of it....(except when I am throwing it around outside). I stroke it and call it precious names. We have a great relationship.

On the cement there it lay. Gahhhhhh. You know when something really bad happens and you laugh? and it feels weird to laugh, but you can't help it? There is something inside of you that snaps and you are just slightly insane for a moment so you laugh? Well, I laughed. There was the computer that I had been so careful with, scratching against the sidewalk. There was my computer that I would take with me to work, just in case someone broke into my house and wanted to steal it. (See previous post Rrrarrr about the earlier break-in.) Out of all of my possessions I didn't care about the rest, just my computer and my iPod.

I ran down the stairs, picked it up and immediately noticed that it couldn't shut. The keyboard part was bowed. I tried to turn it on and nothing happened. My heart sank. I went inside to look at my warranty/protection plan. They didn't cover accidents and abuse, like tossing it down the stairs. (I'm still baffled by that one...) And it all sunk in.

Could my life have meaning without my computer? Could I get a new one? Not for awhile. What about my blog? and email? and pictures? and facebook for crying out loud? and my music? and movies? and and and and! What would I do? Could I pry my fingers off of this possession and let it go? But all my friends that I connect with online? ahhhhhhh!

Then something interesting happened. I let it go. I got settled with all of these emotions and decided that not only could my life have meaning, but that maybe this happened for a reason. Maybe my life was now going to be better from letting go. I could connect more outside of the internet. I could paint more. Play my guitar more. Maybe even go out more. I could check my email elsewhere. etc. etc. It would all be fine. and it would be good for me to let go of this attachment to my computer.

I walked into the other room where I had put my computer, and pushed the on button again. AND IT WORKED. It worked. Everything worked. The screen was fine. The connections were fine. It just didn't close quite all of the way...

Can you believe that? I had the perfect chance to face all of my fears etc. about losing my computer without actually losing it. How cool is that?

So now I leave it at home instead of taking it to work with me. I let people use it if they want to. I am not so concerned. It's nice to let go.

White/Lightning/Frost Blue

I GOT NEW RUNNING SHOES!
the label says: White/Lightning/Frost Blue

Made in China
size 12

(yeah, I know, but remember I am 6 feet tall!)
(AND you are supposed to have more room in the toe than a regular shoe)
(regular shoe size: 11)

Euro size 44.5

They just look like they run fast, don't they?
and so cushy.
They aren't supposed to even start to wear until after 500 miles.

5ks
10ks
marrythons
ultrimarrythons

flying.

My running shoes

When I was in high school, I would steal my Dad's Runner's World magazines and dream about running ultramarathons. For anyone that doesn't know, an ultramarathon is basically anything longer than a marathon (26.2 miles). The most famous ones are usually 100 miles. :D I would think a little about doing marathons, the Boston Marathon especially, but really what brought a smile to my heart was thinking about doing an ultramarathon.

Now you might be thinking that there is something terribly wrong with the hard-wiring of my brain to even want to attempt something like that. I mean running is so boring, right? It makes you hurt, right? Your legs hurt. Your feet hurt. Your butt hurts. And we haven't even talked about when you just want to fall over because you are so tired and your lungs feel like they will never get enough air again. Eh, you are probably right, but I can't help it. There is something about being able to run all day, or two days, or three that fascinates me. And ever since I discovered that these ultramarathons existed a little voice inside of me said, "I could do that."

The Tarahumara, are an indigenous people of Northern Mexico. They are known for their long-distance running. They practice persistance hunting, where they will just run after the deer until it gets tired (usually about 100 miles) and then catch up to kill it. It sounds so dreamy. Well, the killing doesn't sound that dreamy...I'm pretty much a vegetarian. But running that far...it seems like flying to me.

The interesting thing is that I have never run more than 2 miles at a time to this date, and that was pushing it. I have dislocated both knee caps a couple of times, not to mention the time I fell off a horse and dislocated my entire right knee joint. (Yeah, don't even try to picture that one...it was horrible.) 100 miles? For awhile I had just given up. Had stopped running for years, especially after my mission as my hip had also gotten funky. It was ridiculous. I was a walking mass of dysfunctional joints.

For some reason, this summer I decided that I could run again. I started out very small. I think I ran to the end of the block before my knees protested. So I stopped, stretched A LOT, and fed my body uber-nutritious food. The next day I did it again. Got about to the end of the block and had to stop. By the end of the month, I was up to 3/4 of a mile. I don't usually have this much patience.

But something has changed. I almost feel like I am meditating when I run. Every breath that flows out seems to wash away some tension. I crave that intensified breathing. Every step seems to release any heaviness of the day leaving me light. I can feel the stagnant in me move. The sun warms me down to my deepest places. The wind clears the cobwebs in my head leaving me clear. The rain fills me with magic. I feel like I am flying, even if only for a few miles.

So it didn't matter how far I ran, just that I did. I let go of the need to have a certain outcome. I just let myself enjoy it. And I am running my first 5k in my life on Oct. 11. I'm registering for it. Going to get the t-shirt. I asked my Dad and brother to run with me. I am going to run it.

After that? I don't know. But it just might be a 10k.



(until I run my 5k, there will be a daily featured shot of my shoes: my flying shoes. for no other reason than because i think it is fun.)

"Honey, our only spoon is in the potatoes!"

This is Matt n' Mary.
My brother and his new wife.
They are one of the funniest couples I know.
I like them.


Last week I ate dinner and played games at their house.
We had mashed potatoes, yummy salad, yummy biscuits, yummy sausage stuff
AND yummy cobbler!
Pretty good for poor, starving college kids(granted I brought the salad).

After dinner Mary went to dish up some cobbler.
She exclaimed, "Honey, our only spoon is in the potatoes!"
I might have to get them another spoon for Christmas.

As Matt and I were working on the game,
we heard a soft thud come from the kitchen.
"Uh, we now have ice-cream behind the stove!"
Oh how we laughed.


With our tummies full of delicious food,
we played Skip-Bo.
Since their apartment is as big as a Kleenex box,
we either sat on the floor or
we sat on their bed which is in the living room.
There isn't room for a couch.

While it wasn't their turns,
Matt and Mary worked on their new music stand.
It will sit on their itty bitty piano at the end of their bed.
They are making it out of K'Nex.

I like Matt n' Mary.

(notice her bouquet is origami flowers.)

Conversations with Baby Eric

(This is my nephew Baby Eric. For some reason his name comes out Baby Eric, or just Baby. We have called him that so much, that I am pretty sure he thinks his name is Baby. He is 1. He is certain that he can talk. I just can't understand him.)

Baby: Gah ga wu wuzzispph. (He says this with an imploring look and his hands clasped.)

Me: Ga ba wa whuuz?

Baby: ssphspppsshh.

Me: *blubber tongue*

Baby: (hits the couch 3 times and bursts the following as if he can't believe that I haven't understood him thus far and knows I will at least get this) DA DA DA DA DAA!

Me: (my face finally lighting up in understanding) Dah dah dah?

Baby: Da da da...(toddles off)

Conversations with Bethany: My Fat Tummy

Bethany had just finished lunch and apparently was feeling very full.

Bethany: Hey my tummy is fat like yours.

Me: uh....yep.

Bethany: Did you eat too many sugars? Is that why your tummy is fat?

Me: Yeah, I ate too many sugars.

Bethany: Did you eat too many sugars like candy? and lollipops? and wrappertomes?

Michelle: What are wrappertomes?

Bethany: They are big big BIG candies like this. You have to put them in your mouth...like this. (The face that ensued was entirely too hilarious. We asked if she could show us again and we took pictures.)

What I learned: In the end it is the wrappertomes that will get you....mainly because of how you have to contort your mouth to eat them.

Conversations with Marty

(Marty is my nephew. He just turned 3. He likes to ask questions over and over and over.)
(Usually there ends up being a lot of extra words jumbled in. He is super cute.)

Marty: What what are you goin to ea am I goin what am I goin to eat my sammich?

Marty: Am I goin am I going am I goin to eat my sammich all gone?

Me: Huh?

Marty: Am I what am I goin am I goin to eat my sammich all gone?

Me: (confused look)

Marty: What what am I goin am I goin to eat my sammich all gone?

Me: Oh, are you going to eat your sandwhich all gone?

Marty: Yeeaaah! I'm goin to eat it all gone!

The Beckoning of Lovely

This seriously made me cry a little. I know, I know. I posted another video that made me cry, but this one made me stop and reconsider life for just a second....and to me that is always worth a few moments.

The Beckoning of Lovely

Conversations with Bethany

(Bethany is my niece. She is 3. I stayed at her house last weekend.)

Bethany: Where did you go?

Me: I took a bath.

Bethany: You took a shower?

Me: Nope, I took a bath.

Bethany: You took a shower?

Me: No, a bath like you do. I took a bath in your bathtub.

Bethany: In my bathtub?

Me: Yup.

Bethany: But you are too big.

Me: Yeah, I am bigger than you, aren't I?

Bethany: Did you squish up your legs like this?

Me: Yup.

Bethany: Oh, ok.

The Green Sludgie

May I present the famous Green Sludgie. A cousin to the smoothie, this delightful sludge has made history throughout history. It has sat in the right hand of people like Napoleon, Martin Luther King Jr., Marilin Monroe and even Gandhi (wait he didn't eat). It is unrivaled in its beauty, its greenness, its...uh...sludgie texture.



Here are some delectable pictures to tantalize you.

First, before its creation, we have a blender of sun-ripened fruit with a spread of fresh greens, chard, kale and a stalk of celery.


Next is a picture of a freshly smoothed sludgie. Frothy, and green.

A side shot, inviting you to drink.

Here is one of our celebrities with her own glass. A smile twinkling from her eye as she drinks in the goodness. (ignore the amazing bed-head/just-went-running look)

Cheers! (Yes, that is a sludgie mustache, not my own thank you.)

Glass Blowing

The other day, I looked up glass blowing on the internet. I can't even remember why now, but I came across this video and was overwhelmed by the beauty of it. I actually started to cry as I watched it. This fellow seemed to dance with the glass, every movement being so precise, so musical, masterful, shaping the molten stuff. It reminded me how amazing we humans are.

Sea Glass

Sea Glass

broken
empty bottles
discarded

thrown into the water
without much thought

caressed by waves
etched from the sand

tumbled
tossed
becoming smooth

now gifted back
returned by tide
a treasure for our
trash

Here is a picture of two sea glass pendants I think I will get. They are so luminescent, smooth and frothy like the sea became infused into these little pieces of glass. They come from the site www.naturalseaglass.com

This one comes from Bluebox Studio in the UK. I'm entranced.

Our garbage being transmuted into something beautiful, valuable. What a symbol.

I couldn't help but laugh....

I was bored the other day, and started flipping pages through one of those magazines that sells really cheezy stuff. Stuff like boxes that say "Granddaughters are forever..I am so glad you're mine" etc. Not only do they sell heart-warming cheese, but 14-yr-old-boy-humor stuff like fire extinguishers that are for farts. Yeah, I was bored.

But I kept seeing these t-shirts with the funniest phrases on them. So, I am going share. Here are some of my favorites.

Don't make me break out my Flying Monkeys

I started out with NOTHING and I STILL have MOST of it LEFT

I have multiple personalities and none of them like you

I tried being good, but I got bored

WARNING
I have gas and I know how to use it!

I used to care, but I take a pill for that now.

Shut the DUCK up! (there is a duck with duct tape around it's beak)

DANGER
Mouth Operates Faster Than Brain

SARCASM
Just one more service I provide.

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." Benjamin Franklin (apparently it really is a quote from good old Benny)

I didn't say it was YOUR FAULT.
I said I was going to BLAME YOU.

The older I get the less a lifetime guarantee is worth to me....

You don't have to be crazy to work here.
We'll train you.

Time Flies When You Are Having Rum!



My two favorites were actually welcome mats:

(this one had a dog and a cat smiling up at you)
We're so excited to see you we don't know
whether to pee on the floor or tear up the couch!

AND the last one....(ha, this one still makes me laugh)

Well, butter my butt & call me a biscuit look who's here!

Teas and Fall

I am finding that as the weather turns...I am becoming a tea monger. I seem to be always drinking it. Morning. Lunch. a little tea nipper before I go to bed. I can't help but look in the tea section in the store every time I go these days. Some of my favorites are: Bengal Spice, African Honeybush (with subtle fruit and floral notes..how cool does that sound), Madagascar Vanilla Red (a Rooibos tea), White Orange Spice, Tangerine Orange Zinger, some cool Blueberry one that my sister has and many mucho more.

I have also discovered an array of sweetners such as all of these cool honeys. Rich ones. Light ones. Fruity ones. Nutty ones. I love it. Then there is the new and acclaimed agave. Which is a little lighter and sweeter than honey. Though it also has its various hints. Ok, those are the only ones I have played around with so I don't know if you would actually call that an array.

To top it all off I will add a bit of Almond milk, Oat milk or Soy milk. Though my new favorite is Hempseed milk.

Tea

the mug is deliciously warm
against my hand
sending heat all the way to my
bones

the steam softly billows up
caressing my face
as I breathe in the flavors

it is almost too hot
to drink
so I send a breath
rippling the surface

finally a sip slips into my mouth
so earthy
a memory of fruit
with just an echo of bitterness
at the end

my whole body relaxes into the warmth
my mind eases with delight
my soul smiles

It is my new cup o' tea. *chuckle*