Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Musings on Fat

I've been thinking about my fat lately. My excess fat. Been meditating on it. And I have found quite the spiderweb of emotional issues attached to it that I never thought were there. Needless to say it has been a very interesting journey.

These are some of my findings. (Note, when I say skinny I don't mean skin and bones. Just slim and lovely, with no bulges in places I don't want them.)

I feel guilty about being skinny, looking too good.
I'm afraid that others will be jealous if I have a slim, trim flat I have been jealous.
I feel like I don't deserve to have a body that doesn't have excess fat.
Part of me feels doomed to have "bad genes".
I'm a little scared of extra attention from others if I'm skinny.
And again, I don't want others that aren't skinny to feel bad.

Huh. No wonder my body holds on to fat, and especially around my tummy.

I don't want to have to eat perfectly for the rest of my life to be skinny. Or run a million miles all of the time to have that lovely slim look. It isn't me. And I wonder if I work on emotional attachments to my fat what will happen.

So the experiment has begun. Starting with a Ho'oponopono prayer for my beloved fat. (I say Light instead of Creator because it makes more sense to me for personal reasons.)

Dear Light
I am sorry for whatever is in me that causes these emotions to come up in my life.
I am sorry for whatever is in me that causes me to have excess fat on my body.
Please forgive me, and clear these from me completely.
Thank you.
And I love you.


Summer said...

Oh, man. I totally remember feeling obsessive about little lumps. ;D

You know- I just realized having kids are great for distracting you from yourself. I've managed to steal some time to look in the mirror, but mostly it's to brush the craft glitter out of my hair and make sure I remembered pants.

I guess at least you can enjoy the fact that your life is still in a season of actual reflection on your reflection? ;D

Sahara said...

I am trying to imagine you with glitter everywhere and no pants....heh heh.

Lia said...

Excellent post, Sahara. You got me thinking. I like your prayer at the end. Thanks for sharing these musings.