My Red Wool

I look down and see my wooly legs.
What a cosmic joke.
Some sheep is missing its wool
because it grows on my legs.

Red wool.

The razor shines in the light.
4 blades surrounded by moisturizers.
Guaranteed to leave my legs so touchable.

It runs smooth over my leg.
Mostly smooth in its wake.

I step out of the shower
and towel off the water.

Looking down I see the redness begin.
My skin irritated.
But touchable, yes?

I wrinkle my nose.
A bit frustrated.

I think about the next day.
Any semblance of smooth will be gone.

My wool has some bizarre complex.
Afraid of being too short?
Grow! Grow! Grow!

By the 2nd day my leg hairs should be registered as
Lethal Weapons.
Just a graze up against me
would leave you with ribbons of bleeding.

Smooth is so lovely.
Smooth is so touchable.
Smooth is so acceptable.

Why does every woman I know have hair follicles
that naturally grow hair?

How did our hair get to be so unacceptable?
so unfeminine?

Here is the hard place.
There is the rock.

Update

Click here for more info on how to find/buy one of these

Baby Steps. This weekend my roomate and I filled up two 30 gallon containers and one 12 gallon container with vodka. Oh, I mean water. They are outside on our property so we didn't fill them up all of the way for when the water freezes. We then added 1/2 teaspoon of bleach per every 5 gallons of water and sealed them up. It ended up being about 60 gallons of water we now have stored. 60 gallons! :D

Estimating that each person needs at least 1 gallon per day if not more that would last the 3 of us a good 2 weeks.

Big smile on my face that we actually got out there and did it.

Untamed and Wild

It rained and my hair seems to think that is license to do whatever it wants. Well, actually it always thinks that. But when it rains it is worse. Every little strand gets all excited and wants to stand up, curl every which way and do a dance on top of my head. So here is a picture of my rain head. Granted the picture does not do it justice and I had in some gel to calm it down. It was much more wild than it looks! But for your viewing pleasure I give you; Untamed and Wild.

Addicted

You know you are an addict
When you look outside and
the trees are blowing
the rain is falling
the air is cold

and you say to yourself
Mmmmm, I think I'll go for a run.

Geodes

The other day my friend and I happened upon a bunch of unopened geodes at The Quilted Bear of all places. They were only 50 cents so we bought a couple.

Geodes: essentially rocks with crystal formations on the inside.

Apparently Utah is one of like 5 states in the U.S. that has a large quantity of geodes in its natural landscape.

They fascinate me. These rocks that from the outside just look like ordinary rocks. I'm sure that if I were a geologist that it would be easy to spot a geode from a mile away. But to me they look like...rocks. Round. Rocky. Rough. Like rocks. But then you crack them open and there is this beautiful array of sparkly crystals inside. Eeheehee. Hidden treasures. I feel like a little kid.

This is my geode. (Remember that I don't actually have a camera. Yeah, I just take pictures with my laptop camera. It is an art form in and of itself. You would probably fall over laughing to see me trying to get just the right angle with this silly laptop in hand. And once again ignore the amazing I've-been-sick-and-haven't-done-my-hair do.)

I was thoroughly entranced.



Then I took a little screwdriver and a little golden hammer and tapped it open. This is one of the sides. You can't really tell but there are all of these gorgeous little clear crystals in there.



I thought I would try another picture to see if I could show the little crystals better. It just looks like my hand is going to smash you.


Getting philosophical and slightly cheesy.

I'm like a geode. Rough on the outside but sparkly and beautiful on the inside.

windy leafy thoughts

I am a massage therapist. Sometimes I do mobile massage and go to people's houses. It can work very well. I had two massages scheduled for today. One of them just had surgery on her foot and was really miserable. A massage would have really helped. She is the niece of one of my other clients.

Well I woke up sick this morning. Bad sore throat. Tired. Ears hurt. And I had to cancel my massages. Well poo poo head client number 1 (I don't really think she is a poo poo head...) calls client number 2 and tells her how frustrated she is that I had to cancel. But doesn't tell her the whole story like I'M SICK! So my regular client is frustrated that I canceled. And I am frustrated that both of them are frustrated, and wondering why the hell client number one didn't tell client number two the whole damn story. Did she not believe me that I am sick???

But do you know with what I am most frustrated? You see I get why both of my client's are frustrated. I would be too if the massage that I had been looking forward to all of a sudden got canceled and I was in pain from being in bed for two weeks. I would be very frustrated. I would want to throw something. And I really doubt that she doesn't believe me. I think she was just venting to her aunt about how frustrated she was. So in the end that really isn't the problem.

The problem is that I am frustrated that I can't do everything. That I can't fix everyone's problems. That I can't be there for everyone. That I can't make everyone's pain go away. Damnit.

And do you know where this all comes from? Well, I will tell you. When I was a kid I felt like I wasn't enough because I couldn't fix my mom's pain. I couldn't make her feel better. And for other reasons I couldn't feel it that she loved me. (I can see now that she did and does..., but back then I couldn't. I thought she didn't love me). So this connection got made that if I don't fix people's problems, if I don't take away their pain then they won't love me.

I'm not looking for my client's to love me. That relationship is purely professional, but this whole thing echoed of a bunch of emotions that I haven't looked at for a long time. Can people love me when I can't give them what they need, or what they want? Will they love me? Will they even like me? Will anyone want to be around me? ahhh! I will be alone for the rest of my life and have to work at Walmart!

And is it ok if someone doesn't like me? or if someone can't stand my guts? Or doesn't want to ever get a massage from me again? Can that be ok?

I mean it would be a different story if I were just being malicious and canceled the massage. But that is not what it is. I am doing everything I can. And when I can't, I can't.

I feel like all of these thoughts are just leaves winding around in my head not making much sense, nor settling down.

Absence of Fear

My friend woke up from a dream recently. It was a dream that we had a national disaster, like an earthquake, here in Salt Lake. She was woken up and a voice said that she wasn't prepared. She went back to sleep and dreamed about people not having clean water, food or shelter. She woke up again and was told she wasn't prepared. She went back to sleep and was woken a third time and told to get prepared now before the month was over. The next day she did.

She related this experience to me and it made me think very seriously about if I am prepared. What if an earthquake happened in the next month? We have always been told there will some day be a crazy big earthquake here in Utah. That we are overdue, etc. So what if it did? Do I have enough water if nothing were coming out of my tap? Do I have enough food? Stuff for first-aide? Warm clothing? Shelter? If I were in my car, would I have what I would need? Would I have enough chocolate? That actually crossed my mind :).

I am not a gloom and doom person. Never really have been. I think that everything ends up working for our good, if you will. But I would like to have water, and food and warm stuff. I would like to be able to bandage something if I were hurt or someone else were hurt. I would like to have some chocolate on hand, maybe a card game or two if we had to wait for awhile. I would like to be around people I love. I would like my family to be ok. My sister's dogs to have enough food and water. My nieces and nephews to be warm and ok. What if I were at work? I actually have a 72 hour kit, a sleeping bag, tent, tarp and some blankets in my car. I think I will put in a couple jugs of water.

So I don't know. Maybe something will happen. Maybe not. But I keep feeling like it is time for me to really crack down and get what I need to feel prepared. Now, I have been feeling like that for awhile, but the urgency inside of me changed this week. Instead of thinking oh I will do that next month... It is I had better do that this weekend. If a disaster is going to happen, I want it to be an adventure not...well...a disaster.

My roomaties and I are actually going to go around to our neighbors and ask them if they have stored water and at least some food. That isn't too overwhelming to get if you don't have it. Some jugs of water for each person, and maybe a case of canned food you could eat.

The American Red Cross recommends you keep these on hand in this order of priority.

WATER | FOOD
FIRST AID | TOOLS, SUPPLIES | SANITATION
CLOTHES, BEDDING | DOCUMENTS

more details here

The picture is a wake-up call for me. But just a wake-up call. Yup, that could happen. Ok. We will just take it as it comes. Ok. Life will go on. Ok. People might die. Ok. You might die. Ok. Maybe nothing will happen. Ok.

There is a song by Jewel called Absence of Fear. It strikes home. Fear and worry can be useful for me when they incite a change. When I just sit in them, they only bind me. This image for some reason is full of absence of fear for me. Looking to the golden horizon. Prepared. Centered. Anchored. Powerful. It really is going to all be alright.